Cinque Terre

Gullion Media Limited


Antonio's story deepens.

By George Kingsnorth


On Udemy this week I gave a recap of how the story was developing.

George Kingsnorth
"So last week Antonio, who had a weakness for gambling and needed money as he desired to set up his own business, but had borrow $50,000 from his ex-girl-friend and a bookie, has three plans to either a) rob a bank, b) gamble what he has on some big stakes and c) (can't remember but neither can he), all before (the battle) where he runs out of time and gets caught by either his ex or the bookie, or worst still both. So what do you think his self-revelation might be? (i.e. the moment he realises his own desires are wreck other's live). Feedback welcome."
Jeremy Hull (Udemy student)
"Running from both the bookie and his ex due to borrowing just 50k seems a bit convoluted. I can see borrowing money from a bookie/loan shark. Running from his ex could be okay too but should be for a different reason than borrowing money.

Maybe Antonio left her a long time ago and he has a new girl friend now, but the Ex doesn't know about her and the Ex is a bit psychotic and controlling (which is why he'd want to get away from her) and she still doesn't accept the breakup. The new girl friend could be oblivious to everything and Antonio wants to keep it that way, but in addition to threatening Antonio the bookie has implied he'll leverage the new girl friend against Antonio too by either threatening to do something to the new girl friend directly or indirectly by letting the ex know about her. By involving a new girl friend this also makes it so Antonio can't just skip town. Wanting to give his new girl friend the good life might be added motivation for why he wanted to start his own business. A good setting/location for this could be Las Vegas. This could give several options for building the background story. A common connection for some of the characters (showing how they met) could be a club or a casino.

Options for getting money could be expanded to include visiting conventions (maybe rob a jewelry convention) or just a rich tourist. This gives more urgency because you're not just running from a bookie but now have a time deadline as he has a limited window for his plans to be carried out (he can rob a bank anytime unless there's a big shipment involved).

Has the bookie given him a dead line or is Antonio always just trying to avoid running into the bookie (and maybe some of the bookies underlings)?"

George Kingsnorth
"Hi Jeremy, thanks for this input. What I like about what you are saying here is you are working out what works and what doesn't. Some suggestion given by others have pulled the story up short leaving there no where to go but what you have here brings about more possibilities and further restrictions on Antonio. With what you have suggested the story is becoming more realistic and more plausible with Antonio being forced to think about others and how his actions will affected them. This makes him a more likeable character and less selfish. This is a really good development. Many thanks George."